Is It All Over... Or Has It Just Begun?

I had a lovely day, today... My counselor looked at me and said that the only way that I would be able to continue going to see her would be if I had a meeting to see what kind of drugs I need to be on. I agreed to it for the simple fact that my anger, anxiety, and depression still seem to be out of control. I don't want to kill or beat anybody or myself (which is a good thing), but I never would be able to beat or kill anybody else... The fact that I could and would never allow myself to beat or kill anybody does not change the fact that I will yell at somebody when I am hurt and feel that the person is intentionally hurting me.

I asked my counselor why a person would change everything about themselves to fit what the last person whom they were in a relationship with wanted in a mate, but she couldn't really come up with anything other than reflection and realization that the other person may have been right about these traits. Of course, I explained that I wasn't talking about personality traits and she seemed to be at a loss of an explanation as to what could cause somebody to change anything other than traits when a relationship had already ended and there was really no way that either party was going to let that fact change. I guess that I have to accept my thoughts on the changes. It is because the person either wants to become what the last person wanted for the next person that they end up in a relationship with... or it is because the person wants to try to make the last person jealous. Concerning my changes... It is because I want to be what the last person wanted for the next person. (I will admit that my desire to be what the last person wanted for the next person is kind of stupid. How do I know that the next person will want what the last one wanted?)

Added: Oh yeah... My counselor, also, talked to me about the fact that I look as though I haven't slept in two weeks. I told her that the reason why it looks as though I haven't slept in two weeks is because I haven't slept more than seventy hours in the last two weeks. She asked me if I had stopped taking the melatonin, and I told her about the fact that it is the only thing making it so that I get as much sleep as I get. It is just working at most for five hours a night and then I wake up because my mind is rushing and I have absolutely no peace whatsoever. She recommended that I start taking valerian root. She did not say whether she wanted me to try taking the valerian root on top of the melatonin or if she just wanted me to switch, but I am tempted to try taking both of them just to see what the effects of doing so are. I am sure that it couldn't kill me...